What does freedom from Domestic Violence look like? I think I am finally finding out… at least, I’m finding out what it looks like for me.
It’s remembering who you really are.
It’s having peace.
It’s having joy, even in times of hardship.
It’s not operating in excessive emotion.
It’s being able to look at a situation from the outside and making the best decision.
This doesn’t mean I don’t remember. I remember it all. I have nightmares. I have flashbacks. I have eating issues. They affect me. But, at the same time, I can have peace.
When I can stay out of emotions, I eat better. I don’t make myself throw up. I don’t ‘forget’ to eat. My stomach isn’t upset each time something ‘bad’ happens.
I got a tattoo recently. A phoenix on my side. On the side that my husband kicked me the first time he became violent. I got the tattoo to remember that I am rising above that! It is a daily reminder now that I am more than domestic violence. I’m more than a victim. I’m more than an overly emotional, un-confident, slave to the world.
I realized that what I was doing or how I was reacting, was affecting me. It was affecting my work performance, my health, and my relationships. I made a conscious decision to not keep doing this. I could NOT have gotten to this point without my relationship with Jesus! He helped me to understand fully His love for me, and that He had better for me than the torment I was in each and every day.
It’s been less than a week since this revelation… I’m not saying I’ll never react with an abundance of emotion again. Or be illogical. Or be affected by my situation. However, it means I’ve finally turned the corner. Realizing how I react can affect me negatively or positively. I’m striving for mostly positive reactions 😉